November

I feel as if life is moving so quickly lately, and I am standing still watching.. waiting... thinking... trying to grasp every moment. I hear and feel everything that is happening, but my subconcious seems so far away that it is almost like living in a dream-like state. I turned 30 this month on the 7th, anyone that knows me, knows that my birthday is my favorite holiday of the year. I had a wonderful time with  family and my closest friends. I am happy to be in this new decade. Happy to finally be at the "grown-up" table, considering that I have never really felt as if I belonged to the children's table. Turning 30, went along with some strange things happening in my body... the reason that I feel as if I am standing still watching... waiting... 

I have had a less that good year when it comes to my health, having been the kid that never missed school for being sick. ever. makes it hard to accept that things are not as they have always been. Before this year I can not remember the last time that I had a even a slight cold. At the moment I am waiting on further results, before they can pro-ceed to the next step to know what is going on. All that I really know is that when I went in with my fourth cold/flu this summer and they took my blood and things were off... my levels are not where they should be... and have continued to get worst. Some things have been ruled out but they are still doing more tests, and waiting for results... that is the hardest part of all this... the waiting. I can barely sit still on a normal day, this is making me want to crawl out of my skin. I do not often go into detail on my personal life on this blog, however, this experience has made me think so much about what I want, that I feel it is important to put here. It is so much a part of what my story is at this moment, and honestly it is definitely being reflected in my work. Hopefully soon I will know more, and I am hopeful that whatever the outcome that it is a fixable problem. Until then I sit and think and think and move my hands quickly to sew tiny pieces of fabric together, because that is what keeps my mind from going to deep, dark places. 

The hexagons in these photos are made from my scrap bin, a nice grouping of all of the work that I am doing. It is nice to have this project to work on, on the couch or wherever. One day soon I hope to make a large piece out of these small pieces, as a reminder that sometimes taking it all in, moving slower, and having stitches to keep my mind going is what will keep me moving, during all of the waiting...