living.

It has been a long couple of months. The winter crept along slowly, and even though it is officially spring, we have only had a handful of those amazing Richmond spring days so far. Finally it looks like there is not a drop of snow on the forecast, insert me doing cart-wheels and back flips here (I can't do either, but use your imagination). Along with the weather I feel as if I have finally begun to accept that what is going on with my body is not going away. I have been vague on this blog, because I need to let things sink in before I expose everything to the world of the Internet, or really the whole world. Last year was rough I went to the Doctor more times that I ever have in my whole life. It was blood work after blood work and being sick every month, almost. At the end of the year I had not one but two bone marrow biopsy and even those proved to be strange and not completely full of answers. It is hard for me to have doctors tell me that they can not yet give what is happening a name, but that it is not going away, it makes my OCD tendencies go insane! To the point, what I am having issues with is my blood platelet levels... If you had asked me a year ago what a platelet did, I would simply say, help the blood clot. I had no idea that you could have too many or too little. In my case, I have way over the normal levels. I can live a normal life, but have to be more aware of my body. The most irritating symptoms I have shown are being tired and migraines so bad, that they wake me up out of a cold sleep. All of this has really taken some getting used to. Perhaps one of the hardest things to accept about all of this, is that there is little I can do, and there is no reason for it. 

It made a huge impact on my views towards living and how I really want to live my life. It gave me a kick in the ass to drop crappy habits, and start appreciating every day. I have heard of people going through cancer or other heath scares and how it changes who they are and how they live. I think that while I am the same person, I will never live the same way as I did before. Life, and living a healthy life are things that are too precious to take for granted, and that has in many ways altered my perspective on everything. 

I have been spoiled with time for making, which is one of the best gifts anyone has given me. The day Sandra suggested that I should work part-time and stay home in the studio the rest of the time, means everything to me. I have been pretty good about keeping up with studio time, and I am beginning to have a body of work to show for it. I guess that was the beginning of my living every day in the best way I can. Making is vital to who I am.  

More recently I have started to do yoga and Pilate's, I figure if I can keep the rest of me healthy and just deal with the blood thing, then I will be better off. Or at least do all that I can. What I do have to say about all this, is that all the times I said I did not have time for a workout or made excuses, I wish I had just started sooner. I feel better, I have more energy now than I did 3 months ago, and I sleep better. I have been doing this since the beginning of February, and I feel that now it is part of my habit. I rarely miss a class and if I do I try to go to a makeup one. Perhaps the best part is that in the hour that I am in a class, my mind stays there. I do not think of everything else in the world, or that needs to be done. I just move my body, follow directions and forget everything else. Looking forward to spring, and playing in the dirt, planting some things, and making every moment count. Not all of them will be good, I am still a realist, but as long as they are full of living that is what matters.